she was made in the dark, like photos are made in a darkroom

Thu, 31 May 2007 09:42:53 GMT

Tue, 29 May 2007 09:05:51 GMT

nobody tells anyone with cancer "stop having cancer!", so i will never understand why mental illnesses are any different.

Fri, 25 May 2007 07:26:13 GMT

"There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me; only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our livestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there".

- American Psycho

Sat, 19 May 2007 12:06:13 GMT

this is nothing personal, cutting friends from my list I mean. I just think I'm too much for people, it's better this way :) Feel free to unfriend me as well, actually please do it, I'd feel better.

Tue, 15 May 2007 10:27:45 GMT

people don't seem to understand that it was never my intention to break. i used to think it was my fault too, until it came a point in which i found that nothing/no one make me do or feel or think anything different and that words can't stop this and nothing physical can stop this either, what I've got is trapped inside me, not affected by external things. i don't think like they do, i don't stand at the same spot they do.. I already beat myself up over this thank you very much
/rant

time to go stare at the walls now and listen to lou reed.

Tue, 08 May 2007 20:25:04 GMT

their new video made me cry
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AZxUtZ2ZgI
I thought they had reached the top of awesomeness and there was nothing more shocking to come up with, oh was I wrong! They're unstoppable and they own me and own me and own me.

Bought more Lou Reed with David Bowie yesterday. They make me warm inside.

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:22:24 GMT

Henry Rollins~
I Know You
I know you
you were too short
you had bad skin
you couldn't talk to them very well
words didn't seem to work
they lied when they came out of your mouth
you tried so hard to understand them
you wanted to be part of what was happening
you saw them having fun
and it seemed like such a mystery
almost magic
made you think that there was something wrong with you
you'd look in the mirror trying to find it
you thought that you were ugly
and that everyone was looking at you
so you learned to be invisible
to look down
to avoid conversation
the hours
days
weekends
ah the weekend nights, alone
where were you
in the basement?
in the attic?
in your room?
working some job?
just to have something to do
just to have a place to put yourself
just to have a way to get away from them
a chance to get away from the ones that made you feel so strange and ill-at-ease inside yourself
did you ever get invited to one of their parties
you sat and wondered if you would go or not
for hours you imagined the scenarios that might transpire
they would laugh at you
if you would know what to do
if you would have the right things on
if they would notice that you came from a different planet
did you get all brave in your thoughts
like you were going to be able to go in there and deal with it
and have a great time
did you think that you might be "the life of the party"
that all these people were gonna talk to you
and you would find out that you were wrong
that you had a lot of friends
and you weren't so strange after all?
did you end up going
did they mess with you
did they single you out
did you find out that you were invited
because they thought you were so weird
yeah, I think I know you
you spent a lot of time full of hate
a hate that was pure as sunshine
a hate that saw for miles
a hate that kept you up at night
a hate that filled your every waking moment
a hate that carried you for a long time
yes I think I know you
you couldn't figure out what they saw and the way they lived
home was not home
your room was home
a corner was home
the place they weren't- that was home
I know you
you're sensitive
and you hide it, because you fear getting stepped on one more time
it seems that when you show a part of yourself that is the least bit vulnerable
someone takes advantage of you
one of them steps on you
they mistake kindness for weakness
but you know the difference
you've been the brunt of their weakness for years
and strength is something you know a bit about
because you had to be strong to keep yourself alive
you know yourself very well now
and you don't trust people
you know them too well
you try to find that "special person"
someone you can be with
someone you can touch
someone you can talk to
someone you won't feel so strange around
and you found that they don't really exist
you feel closer to people on movie screens
yeah, I think I know you
you spend a lot of time daydreaming
and people have made comment to that effect
telling you that you're "self-involved" and "self-centered"
but they don't know, do they
about the long nightshifts alone
about the years of keeping yourself company
all the nights you wrapped your arms around yourself
so you could imagine someone holding you
the hours of indecision
self-doubt
the intense depression
the blinding hate
the rage that made you stagger
the devastation of rejection
well
maybe they do know
but if they do
they sure do a good job of hiding it
it astounds you how they can be so smooth
how they seem to pass through life as if life itself was some divine gift
and it infuriates you to watch yourself with your apparent skill,
and finding every way possible to screw it up
for you, life is a long trip
solitude is a hard won ally
faithful and patient
yeah, I think I know you

Fri, 30 Mar 2007 08:46:03 GMT

high school dinner tonight, no need to mention that i dont' know what to wear because i am ugly all over upside down and downside up. so i'll just try to hide in one of my big chemical or smiths tshirt and that's it. the harry potter cover couldn't be prettier (though i wanted it totally black, but it has a quarter of black so i'm glad). why does it rhyme? x)
the corpse bride has eaten my brain and i can't stop the watching and quoting and singing. i'm trying to drink less coffee. i said trying, not doing. i'm writing tons lately and i want to go and be locked up in azkaban so that i don't have to go out anywhere and i can write all day.

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 16:24:52 GMT

mmmm basically? watch the corpse bride non-stop under blankets. cappuccinos forever. oscar wilde always at 2am and write my novel at 4am.
i'm also mourning right now cause Incubus cancelled their tour so if my life only had 1 point, now it doesn't have a point at all. let's just die choking on cappuccino okay?

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 14:13:04 GMT

I feel like I'm less scared of the world today. Or maybe I'm AS scared but feel like doing something about it.

Sat, 17 Mar 2007 23:09:52 GMT

Arctic Monkeys were as expected, but the effect on me was not the expected.
pure BEASTS. the entire venue felt like it was crumbling down with each song, but when Alex sang CAUSE LOVE'S NOT ONLY BLIND BUT DEAF....BOOOOOOOOOOOOM! the whole audience was like a war, it was nice and they sang all my fave songs. I laughed my ass off every time I got burnt with cigarettes, yes you are reading well, i have marks,and it's funny, i don't know why.
I had a breakdown last night that didn't go away this morning, and by afternoon i was aware that i wouldn't be recovered for the concert, so i was expecting that the concert itself would make me recover. it didn't. i don't really want to talk about it, i just want to sleep until monday.
i'm burning a cd and then go to bed until monday (if i feel like waking up)

Wed, 14 Mar 2007 14:15:33 GMT

finally wrote scene 2 of chapter 26, it's probably the biggest pain i have ever forced myself to go through in my life. i shake as i type these lines, and shook while typing the entire story. after days of avoiding confrontation with mentioned scene, i woke up at 5am today after a two-hour sleep to write it, because somehow my body was ready, it thought it's now or never. i cried before and after writing, but not during cause i had to keep myself together so that i wouldn't go all dramatic and subjective. But this scene needed to be done, now it's done, and i shake at the thought that it has to be re-written, as every novel in life, and not only once but ad infinitum. i don't know how writers can do that, specially people incredibly tormented like chuck palahniuk and co. my heart is likely to come out of my mouth at any second, even though it's been HOURS since i wrote it. maybe there comes a time when you just get used to your own sick mind. the hardest part i think was when edgar was holding the razor detached from the plastic shaving razor, and charlie actually almost snatched it to kill her brother leonard. and the words they said- i don't think i have ever come up with anything more hurting in my life. razor-like words definitely.

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 11:03:10 GMT

Rock Lee presents

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 10:36:36 GMT

i'm going to spoil myself.

Sun, 04 Feb 2007 11:41:35 GMT

i laughed for hours at the weirdness of my arms, it's like they belong to different bodies, so i figured i'd post the photo

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 12:57:17 GMT

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

NO CHEATING...

1 What does next year have in store for me?
Welcome to the black parade

2 What's my love life like?
In my place

3 What do I think when I get up in the morning?
How insensitive

4 What song will I dance to at my wedding?
The ballad of Neville and Luna

5 What do you want as a career?
America is not the world

6 Your favorite saying?
Life is a pigsty

7 Favourite place?
House of wolves

8 What do you think of your parents?
Quicksand

9 What's your Pornstar name?
Anna Molly
(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THIS ONE WAS FUNNY! AND I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHEAT AT ALL!)

10 Where would you go on a first date?
Circles

11 Drug of choice?
Curbside Prophet

12 Describe yourself:
Perdido Street Blues

13 The song that best describes my school principle?
Wolverine Blues

14 What is my state of mind like at the moment?
Eskimo

15 How will I die?
Gallons of rubbing alcohol flow through the strip

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 20:39:32 GMT

today i have realised that the love of my life will have a beard.

Tue, 16 Jan 2007 17:12:47 GMT

my first modern vynil :)
this made me so excited cause all the vynils i have are my parents' + 4 or 5 I bought myself which are the beatles and elton john from the 70s. So American Idiot has the honor to be my first modern vynil bought by myself :) I can start my own collection now. It's so beautiful nobody can imagine, it's so huggable, squeeeee!
i'm still so mad at the golden globes because:
1- they repeated and repeated and repeated every single thing so much that it ate up my videotape which is only 3 and a half hours long, so it only recorded until america ferrera's speech (oh my god HOW I CRIED!) and precisely the big awards i don't have them. best motion picture, director, actor & actress in a movie, actor & actress in series... god! I'm so angry! there's a summary of the event tonight at 8pm but a summary it's not the entire ceremony :'(
2- the awards that were given were not of my likeness.

basically meryl streep is my reason to live and breathe and believe; america ferrera made me cry both times with best show and best actress, and i don't even like ugly betty!
the rest i hated and hated and hated, except that Jennifer Hudson girl whom I'd never heard of and has attracted my attention and now all I think about is how much I want -NEED- to see Dreamgirls.
and brad and Angelina own me completely, I don't know how I've come to like brad as a person, of course he's been in my top 10 list of actors since i watched fight club and each of his performances until the day of today have blown me away, but i used to puke during all his interviews. i know it's Angelina La Divina who has made him an intelligent and sensitive person, this creature is one of my most favouritest women on earth, she's right there in my list with bjork, yoko, meryl and emily dickinson, and last night she was totally stunning (could she ever manage not to?) her presence is just.. woah! and she didn't speak a word, she let brad speak all the time cause it was HIS nomination, and all she has to say is smart and sensitive things.. ok i should stop talking about her, she's just the closest thing to perfection <3 *hearts everywhere*

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 10:33:05 GMT

kevin walker marry me!!! RIGHT NOW!!
the last brothers & sisters epi is the funniest thing my brain has ever known.. ok not that much... but I swear I was rolling on the floor holding my belly. I want to marry kevin's teeth, please? rob lowe still is not of my likeness tut tut, and i think that if he hasn't grown in me yet, he never will. The biggest question for me is: why do they paint his lips red? i will never understand. Kevin's new love interest is to make his appearance next sunday, I'm so scared, SCOTTY! *cries a lot* I've already seen pictures of that guy and he is FUGLY, totally artificial. he is not a man for kevin.

pps: the golden globes ballot available at imdb is the best thing imdb has ever produced, I'm glad they used their brain for once.

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 11:05:18 GMT

I keep making lists of things to do when my exams are over.
1- Re-read my entire collection of poems by Emily Goddess Dickinson, which I have in simple papers in my drawers.
2- Buy once and for all a book that contains those poems.
3- Buy (a) biography(ies) of Emily Dickinson.
4- Buy (a) biography(ies) of Emily Brontë.
5- Re-read Wuthering Heights and die of love.
6- Finish all the books I'm reading right now.
7- Do a marathon of the entire Star Wars.
8- Do a marathon of Ocean's 11 and 12.

Sat, 23 Dec 2006 17:31:55 GMT

everyone seems to be in a harry potter mood today, no wonder :) i am too. I'm feeling so good, which is great, cause my week hasn't been very good, I only felt right when I was in class and that's why I went to all my classes the last 2 weeks. But now uni is over and I was feeling almost empty. Jo probably read my mind and said "Have no fear young girl, I will give you something to hold on to" :)
Today:
- Studying for History of the British Isles (my absolute fave subject this year, I only live for it <3 )
- Organized my cds of pottercast and listened to some of them.
- Hugged my cds of mugglecast (no need to organize them, they're always in the right place hahaha, they're my faves) and listened to some of them.
- Listened to tons of podcasts.
- Yelled all day with my sister about the obvious thing.
- The Remus Lupins's new album is coming out in early 2007, yaaaaaay!!!
- Drank 3 soy lattes with vanilla and nutmeg and TONS of foam. I'm addicted.
- Didn't feel much strange with myself, for a change :)
- I've become a fan of Weeds and Mary Louise Parker. Can't say the same of Elizabeth Perkins. Justin Kirk STILL is love.
- I've read a lot.
- I need Jack & Jill in my veins now.

ps: Watched High School Musical the other day, I was very excited about it, especially cause I'm very pederastian or pederastic or whatever when it comes to Zac Efron. I have to say it almost made me vomit :/ I guess I was expecting a young Bring it on, but I guess there will never be a musical-cheerleading-teen-whatever of the level of Bring it on and/or 10 thing I hate about you.

Fri, 22 Dec 2006 12:28:47 GMT

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! harry potter and the!!!!!! and the!!!!! OMG! the title scares me, it's like more adult, and now I have a very dark book 7 in my mind cause it sounds to me like "sleepy hollow", THANKS JO! it's been the best christmas present EVER <3 my sister and I are so hysterical XD

what kills me the most is that the theory we had from OotP's random prophecy in the department has been true all along X) Now no one can call me crazy anymore. This is my vengeance to all of those who dismissed my words when I said this was forshadowed in OotP and who said I listen to too much mugglecast: The title was released yesterday on the winter solstice. Recall in OOTP: "...at the solstice will come a new... and none will come after..." At the winter solstice, a new title will be revealed, but as this is the last book, no more will be released.' J K R owns my life.

Wed, 20 Dec 2006 20:17:04 GMT

brandon + baby laughter + applause + ben = forever = ben eating bass guitar - chris in a corner of the room as if marginated + snoopy + snoopy + snoopy
i am going to marry the creatures that form incubus and that's it.
i was talked to by a million strangers today, the creepiest one was this middle aged man from french class who almost raped me. it was so scary, i swear, thank god the hall was crowded, though he didn't seem to mind :/
incubus concert on 28 March 2007 with Cristina, Giada and Cathy. I am dying already X) buying tickets tomorrow X)
i've already started studying and i'm super proud. i have the resolution of passing everything this quatrimestre, every single damn subject. to fail does not form part of my vocabulary at the moment.
i've wanted to change my ball ring for months but never did it, i'm scared of piercing stores, not because of the practises that are performed there or by the aesthetics of it or of the people in it, it's a fear of people from stores in general. I even avoid buying tofu because I don't like to speak with the man behind the counter :/ But I have given myself until december 30 to do it, come on, I have to go, okay? I want a smaller ball but I want to keep the same size of ring, and I don't know if it can be done, so I'm scared of gathering the strength to go there and then being told that I can't keep my ring and have to get a smaller one for the smaller ball, which will make me angry and hate the store and everyone in it and most of all I'll feel embarrassed. That's me :/

Mon, 18 Dec 2006 22:06:54 GMT

when MuggleCast is only 59 minutes long, I understand that my life is over.

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 00:12:34 GMT

someone made a new trailer for Peaceable Kingdom, I was able to watch the whole first trailer, it was very difficult though. This one I have seen only 1 minute and 32 second, don't know if I'll be able to finish it. Now, that's reality. I wish the movie was widespread but obviously these kin dof things never see much light. This is society.